On the Spectrum

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A little life
Hanya Yanagihara
Assault. Abuse. Trauma. Childhood. Coping mechanisms.
I wish these words would not come together ever again. Unfortunately, this is life. There are a lot of things we can’t have control over. As reading this book, I’ve become more convinced that a body keeps the score. It certainly does. It is not only about the main character. It is about all of them. All of the characters in this book have gone trough certain traumatic experiences early in their lives. They all did. When you’re admitted to the hospital with physical pain, doctors ask you to rate the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. Can we scale pain coming from traumatic experiences? Can we scale how emotionally overwhelming it would become one day or through years of our lives?
It is that deep. As a developmental psychology student, I can assure you that every single experinces that happen to you in your childhood, especially early childhood through adolescence will leave a mark on you. It will shape you. It is going to be harder and harder to change your brain both chemically and emotionally. Imagine, you have a little new-born puppy. Now you beat him every day, treat him in the worst case scenario. Give him the worst attitude. What would happen when he grew up? He would not be a good, gentle, smart puppy after all. Because you are showing him the world in a cruel sense. How could he see that in a different way?!
So, do we have to accept our fate and traumas and get a life?! Of course not. Alongside the traumatic experiences, humans start to develop coping mechanisms. Any kind of. It can be both good and bad. Some people dance, sleep or eat more than they need. Some people run like me. I love sprinting when I am in distress. I run a lot to cope with stress. Sometimes, people develop coping mechanism that can harm them physically, they can cut themselves, smoke or drink to ease their emotional pain. It can be good for them in a short term but possesses long term side effects as well. We are very complicated in this case.
The book is beautiful. It made me think a lot. I am still thinking about it. Because I’ve read it in my lowest point, it became my companion in sorrow. It gave me a sense of “things happen, be gentle with yourself” mentality. I do not think everybody can read this book, especially those who can get triggered easily by emotional and traumatic roller-coasters. But you can just give it a try.
We all have a little life. A little life that is sometimes easier, sometimes harder to live. But we always live. We want other to be alive.
@on_spectrum

"20-second hug" rule
In psychology we have coping mechanisms and rules to ease our tension and stress. 20-second hug or 6-second kiss is one of them. When we hug someone, our bodies release oxytocin which is also called "cuddle hormone". It helps to regulate our cortisole which is so-called stress hormone.
Can you imagine?! Isn't that interesting? That it only takes 20 seconds to calm our nervous system down. Because when someone holds us, we feel less lonely, less hurt and start trusting them. Our nervous system starts activating our parasympathetic nervous system. Our body understands that "threats are not near us anymore, we do not have to fight anymore, we can be safe" in that person's arms. It is just a response from the interconnected body and mind.
We are social beings. People can calm us down. We need people. No matter how introverted you are, you are a social being. If you feel stressed, if something is giving you anxiety, go, hug someone for 20 seconds. That something will look a bit easier to fight, to overcome.
@on_spectrum

Even though I am enjoying reading "A Little Life", this is going to be the first ever book I don't recommend reading to other people. Hard, heavy.
@on_spectrum

This is how peace looks like.
@on_spectrum

Quiet - Susan Cain
How introverts function in an extrovert dependent world? Is it actually that much overwhelming for them? Or are we just overcomplicating things?
Being introvert means having much more sensitive nervous system than extroverts. Noise hurts us. High volume hurts us. Very bright light hurt our eyes, minds. Places with too many people, too many conversations just hurt us very deep. Because these things require more energy. Introverts' source of fuel is in the art of quiet. We are quiet. We like doing things in quiet. We like being on our owns, studying, walking alone. The definition of having fun is a little different from those who are extroverts. But God knows, this world requires everybody to be an extrovert. So-called jobs require more communication, leadership, more physical energy required skills. They sometimes forget that being able to lock in, concentrate clearly and deeply on some niche things, have amazing observational skills can actually help more in workplaces. Because most of the time we observe, listen, stay calm and quiet and analyze things deeply. No, I am not undervaluing extroverts. I am just giving more credit to introverts for now.
The book is the ultimate definition of how the world of introverts work in a real and science world. I did not know there are so many things behind our personalities, very deep down.
Susan also specifically mentions how introverts love. Introverts are very brave lovers. Because their circle is already small. When they love, they make that person into their whole world. They give everything they have, they care about them so deeply. They can make sacrifices as much as needed, sometimes more than needed. They become selfless, they create a world around that person. However, this comes with some drawbacks. They can get hurt easily when an extrovert partner spend time with others. They can get upset that their partner values socializing with more people than spending just "us-time".
The book doen't forget about introverted children. It is a bit challenging to meet the needs of an introverted child. You just have to learn them, let them be themselves sometimes. Most of the time, those children are so wise from the beginning.
It is not just a book about introverts. It is a key to a secret code to the introvert world. The world only introverts can truly understand.
@on_spectrum

For the first time I have run a pilot study with the help of other research assistants. We are about to start to studies for babies and adults with EEG caps. The study for adults is to reveal how the human brain processes primate faces, and whether those neural mechanisms overlap with or differ from those used for human face perception.
Sounds fun. Examining brainwaves, recording their electrical activities, and collecting data made me reassure that I am now in my desired field of study. I liked doing a research, conducting experiments. I have observed multiple research experiments so far, and they all have been fun. Now I am excited about how we actually calculate and interpret the collected data.
Studying human behavior, how brain works, how it responds to certain stimuli, what biases we have is actually very exciting. Above all, interpretation of underlying causal/correlation relationships give you a rush of dopamine in developmental research.
@on_spectrum

I think the greatest theory in development history should be Attachment Theory. Bowlby was just a genius.

One thing got me questioned lately. We know that screens are bad for all of us unless used in moderation. I am designing my research around this topic as well.
However, do screens cause autism? Are there any correlations?
In recent studies, the researchers recruited autistic children with really high screen times. They monitored their behaviors before the study. Then, they limited their use of devices for about a month. Children spent a little to none of their times on screens. Outcomes? Their behavior has improved. They started to make a better eye-contact, showed less irritability, less stimming, etc. What if we use the same method for normally developing children? I think the outcome would be the same. Ideally, children who have less screen time should show more positive behavior, relatively good attention span, and less irritability.
I don't think there is a correlation between autism and screen time. Can screen time worsen the behavior? Absolutely. But does that mean it can cause autism? I don't think it can. I think the study should control more counfounding variables.
@on_spectrum

I have taken Human Development class as my elective this semester.
In this class, we read, we analyze, discuss in groups and apply the concepts we have learned virtually. Basically, in order to learn the main points of development we have to create our babies and raise them until the end of the semester.
I have already created mine based on my personality traits. It shows that I have a virtual daughter now. I will take care of her throughout the semester.
@on_spectrum